The Vaca

      

 Spring Break, Summer Break, Fall break all mean one thing - VACATION TIME! Vacation time seems so thrilling when spoken out loud. Students talk about upcoming trips during lunch or PE. Parents chat about it during carpool lines or on the sidelines of the baseball field. We ask each other questions like, “Where are you going?” “Where will you stay?” “How long will you be gone?” Our dreams are filled with hope of just how exciting this time off and time together will be.

The real questions we should be asking as parents are, “How many minutes down the road do you drive before your children hit, kick, or spit on each other in the car?” “How many melt downs do you think your children will have in public?” What about the question, “Could this trip mean divorce for you and your spouse after total exhaustion and every penny you have or donʼt have being spent?” “Which child do you think will come down with the stomach bug first and then pass it on to everyone else?” Vacation time!

The reality of “vacation” sinks in for me around Day 4 of washing laundry while getting ready to pack six suitcases. Romantic notions drift away, and day four becomes a very dark day. Itʼs the day I began to question everything. “Why me?” “Why four kids, a husband, and a dog?” “Are dirty clothes magically creeping out of the walls when I sleep and making their way to my laundry room?”

A few months ago we went through this very routine and then headed off to the magical Disney World to celebrate two of our childrenʼs birthdays. The kids were thrilled to arrive at the Art of Animation resort and they loved the Cars hotel! Meanwhile, I am a ticking time bomb trying to process fast passes, meal plans, stroller rentals, and rooming for nine. We finally make it to magic kingdom where magic is in the air as well as children crying in every direction and parents arguing. All our dreams are coming true as we sweat profusely, wait in lines, fight for lunch tables, and tell the kids, “No you canʼt have that” for about eight hours.

While on these “magical vacations” we want to appear like a “magical family.” Surely, we arenʼt like the family having the meltdown in the corner? We attempt to appear as the parents gazing lovingly into each others eyes and smiling down at our fabulously dressed, well-behaved children. We desire to have it all together in front of the world. As Christian parents we are the worst about trying to appear perfect but “realness” canʼt help but rear its ugly head while on vacation.

After a fun filled day at magic kingdom we had a “realness” moment at the pool at our resort. The kids were having a blast swimming until Arabella started noticing brown rock like items in the pool. They seemed to be trailing behind my six year old as he swam. She continued to dive a little closer with her goggles until she recognized exactly what the objects were. By this time the lifeguard had stopped his wild pacing routine to take a closer look. My oldest daughter, Arabella, reassured him that the “brown rocks” were exactly what he thought they were. I was thinking maybe a “brown rock” slipped out of a swim diaper or maybe one of those younger more immature moms had forgotten to put a swim diaper on their child. Who would let their child have accidents in the Big Blue Pool, the largest pool at Walt Disney World? Who would dare rob us of the magic?

The lifeguard makes the call and the entire pool is evacuated. My crew gets out to the pool and the party is over. Arabella was piecing the puzzle together and I started thinking of the stomach issues my son had been having earlier. I took a good long look at my six year old and knew the Dowden kids had just caused the evacuation of the largest pool in Disney World.

Yes, my son received discipline that day but after our trip I became more concerned over his pool accident. We saw a specialist and discovered he had some serious stomach issues that had to be addressed. Sometimes as parents we look back on situations and realize a certain behavior isnʼt always the results of bad parenting or disobedient, lazy children. Occasionally, there really is an underlying problem.

         In the heat of the moment we have to step back and not worry about the eyes of glaring parents around us and have more concern for the eyes in front of us. We have calm down from our own humiliation and see through our childʼs eyes, even while on vacation. Not only did an embarrassing accident happen that day for my son but he also knew he had seriously disappointed us.

We have difficult decisions to make daily as parents. Do we discipline or extend grace for certain behaviors? Christ also extends his grace to us and sometimes his discipline. Iʼm thankful we have a good, loving, holy God as our guide. Even in the middle of the “realness” moments on vacation he is pouring his love on us and our children. He sees packing moments, car rides, the teaching moments. He watches the five children walking in the middle of crowds, the meltdowns in the bathrooms, the sweet sharing moments between siblings, and he places strangers in line next to us for his purpose. We plan every moment of our vacation but the reality is every day and every minute of our vacation are His loving minutes. He doesnʼt go on vacation when we vacation. Psalm 139 states, “You know when I sit down and when I rise up; You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O LORD, You know it altogether.” Wow! So Lord, you know the words I am going to say to my children and you still have allowed me to be a parent? That is His grace extended to me!

DINNER TIME

It’s five-thirty on a Thursday night and the first question that comes to mind is, “Why is Landon not home yet?”  Two of my children are outside playing while one is headed toward the house crying and screaming at the top of his lungs, “They wont let me swing!"  Meanwhile, inside the house, I'm attempting to cook supper while running back and forth from the windows and front and back doors, keeping track of kids. The noodles are boiling over, the roasted vegetables are smoking in the oven, and the rolls are burning, all the while my two year old is standing at the door like a broken record repeatedly yelling, “OUTSIDE MOMMY OUTSIDE!”  This is all happening before we’ve even sat down for dinner. 

We finally get everyone cleaned up and head to the table.  The girls set the table and get all the drinks while I put food on the plates.  My rule is when you receive your plate you speak two words, “Thank you.”  My five year old doesn’t obey this rule too well and so dinner frequently begins with him yelling, “This food smells yucky,” as he dramatically throws his head on the table and pouts.  Finally, we all have our plates, Landon prays and then every child wants to take turns praying.  Silently I simply pray, “Lord, help me survive this mealtime.”  Just as I take my first few bites, typically, Adalaide spills her milk, Adoniram spits his food out, Alastair throws his food, makes a dirty diaper and digs in it; and our oldest, Arabella, gets upset because no one is listening to her.  As our dinner time escalates in volume, I ask myself, “Why do I endure the torture of eating with these little animals?”    I question the authenticity of the “family meal time studies” where statistics say children who eat three or more meals with their family around the table are less likely to be depressed, promiscuous, or involved in drugs.  Where are the studies that show the mental health of parents after eating meals with their children?  Do any studies say that parents won’t do drugs if they eat dinner with their children?  In my heart, I would really like to pick up my plate and run as fast as I can to a quiet closet in the house and lock everyone else out. Somehow in the middle of the chaos the Lord sustains me and reminds me of how great and deep and wide His love is for me even with all my imperfections. 

In Ephesians 3:16-19 Paul prays, “that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith - that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” In this moment I’m reminded to beg God for a strengthening of His power in my inner being to love my beautiful but not so perfect children with the depth of His love.         

Even though meals times are difficult right now and honestly have been for the past eight years with young children, I can survive them and have joy during them because I know and have access to a love that surpasses knowledge, Christ’s love.  My children need to see His love for them and not just on Sunday morning or in public places when everyone is watching, but also in the middle of dinner time chaos.  Dinner time isn't so much about the perfect meal or the perfect manners; it’s about giving four beautiful souls my undivided attention and letting them know I care.  God wired us for relationships and our children need our loving relationship.   They need to know they are loved and they matter to us more than a clean house, or TV, or social media, or friends.  Dinner time is a great way to slow down and treat our children as gift from God.  Not a gift that we get annoyed with or that we want to sell at a garage sale, but a treasured gift, given to us from the King of Creation.  

We have begun a family tradition of letting everyone take a turn sharing about their day during dinner time.  Before we even sit down Arabella now says, “Are you ready to hear about my day?”  She loves sharing that time with us.  Our mealtimes look different each night now that we have ballet, soccer games, and baseball. Even if dinner time is cereal at eight o’clock its still a time for us to sit and listen to our children's needs and to show them the love of Christ.     

Do I still feel stressed at dinner time by the baby screaming and all the clean up that needs to take place after the meal? Yes, but if I can have a heavenly perspective and think on  Matthew 19:14  where Jesus welcomed little children into His arms and said, “Let the little children come unto me and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of heaven,” then in Christ’s strength I can stop dwelling on the crumbs all over the floor, the spilt milk, the food that’s not being eaten and take time to welcome my children into my arms and let them know they are loved.       

Happy Birthday Baby Alastair!!!

After our visit to Jackson, TN today and our Doppler sonography, the doctor discovered that baby Alastair’s anemia levels might be a little more elevated from last week, so the doctor has encouraged us to go ahead and celebrate a birthday.  We will be meeting baby Alastair in the morning around  10:30.  

Our journey for the last three months has been so strange since I discovered that I had Fifth’s Disease (Parvovirus B19).  This virus if it crosses the placenta ( which is rare) can cause anemia in the baby which can lead to fetal hydrops in the heart which can lead to death.  The Lord has certainly shown us that a cleft lip is really no big deal in the light of something as serious as the baby having Fifth’s Disease.  We are so thankful for God’s goodness and faithfulness in this process.  Because, I had Fifth’s so late in the pregnancy, I have been able to have an almost full term baby!!! What a blessing!!!  Baby Alastair is estimated to weigh almost nine pounds!!! 

I can’t wait to see God’s plans unfold for this little one that He knew before the foundations of the world.  Landon and I made a guess several months ago about when Alastair’s birthday would be.  I wrote on my calendar “April 18 - Baby Alastair”.  I love  that God is a faithful, loving, communicating Father. 

Our kids are so excited about in the morning!! God has used the kids to speak to me so often in this process.  In moments when I have thought about Alastair’s cleft lip, Adoniram will tell me, “My baby  (baby Alastair) is soooo cute!”  Arabella has faithfully prayed for healing, which I know God has done for baby Alastair in ways that we may never fully know or understand.  Adalaide enjoys telling me that I need to stop eating because my stomach is getting so big.    

Thanks so much for all of your phone calls, texts, and prayers - they have been such an encouragement to our family. Our waiter at lunch even prayed over us today.  He had no idea about the news we had just heard about anemia or that we were believers, yet he quickly put his hand on my stomach and prayed, “Heavenly Father, bless this baby.”  Landon says that he really knew how to get a good tip!!!  Either way, I was still amazed to think about the God of the Universe reigning over all and still having his Hand in the middle of our little life.  He has truly blessed us with great doctors, helpful family and friends, and a supportive church.   

In the morning, please pray for the doctors to have wisdom as they continue to monitor baby Alastair’s anemia (he may need a little blood transfusion - which wont be a big deal) and that he will not have any hydrops from the parvovirus.  Also, pray for peace and smooth feedings for baby Alastair as we deal with a cleft lip and maybe cleft palate.   

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”   

Psalms 91:1,2

Big Lip Babies

January 10, 2012

Because our oldest  daughter, Arabella, was born with a small VSD (hole in her heart), during each pregnancy we go to a specialist and have very extensive ultrasounds done on our babies while in the womb.  So our trip to Jackson, Tennessee yesterday was just a normal day for us.  I was really torn about making the long trip and came very close to canceling our ultrasound appointment since our two children born after Arabella have not had any problems and Arabella has never had any problems and will never have to have surgery.  

Our ultrasound of the heart looked great and Landon and I had a lot of fun trying not to see the gender of the baby since we’ve planned on that being a surprise.  However, the ultrasound tech did share with us some concern she had with seeing a possible cleft lip, in which, my response was, “all of my children have huge lips.”  I’m not sure how a huge lip would cast  a shadow of not having part of a lip but in my mind that was the problem not really a cleft lip.  Didn’t this woman know that we have beautiful “big lip” children?  The wait for the doctor seemed to be an eternity and as we all viewed the baby again, the cleft lip was a definite.  

The doctor patiently sat with us and explained all the statistics and problems that could occur with the cleft lip.  The cleft lip could possibly be a result of a much larger problem - syndromes that we can’t yet see, the lip could cause the baby not to swallow well causing fluid to build up around the baby in the womb, the cleft lip could also be a cleft palate which could cause difficulties with initially feeding the baby - also more physical issues and more surgeries.  “What!?!?” The only word going through my head at the time of this conversation.  Does this doctor not realize that my big lip beautiful babies do not have these problems?  He couldn't really be talking about our child?     

It was an extremely sobering feeling as we walked away from that visit yesterday.    We immediately began to sift through all the questions.  What did we do wrong?  What causes this that could have been prevented? What lies ahead over the next few months? Is this only a cosmetic problem that can be fixed or are there more complications with the baby? How do we prepare for the baby? How will we tell our children? How will we take care of three children while caring for the different needs that might come up with this baby?  How will we schedule surgeries  around Landon’s summer speaking commitments planned a year ago? 

God.  The only answer to every question we have and all of the unknowns.  God. Isn’t it a beautiful thing to know Him?  We don’t have anything to figure out? He has already done that for us.  Just two nights ago, Adoniram handed me this great book to read called “God Knows My Name” by Debby Anderson.  Here are just few pages of this wonderful children’s book:

“God made everything and God knows everything! God know me. He even knows my favorite color. What’s your favorite color? Surprise! God already knew it! “ Psalm 139:1

“Before God made the world, He knew about me. Before I was born, God knew what would happen every day of my life . . . “    Ephesians 1:4  Psalm 139:15-16   

“My surprise birthday party didn’t even surprise God! Nothing surprises God! God sees me when I sit down or when I stand up”   Psalm 139:2-3

“When a deer has her baby, God knows! When a sparrow falls to the ground, or when I fall to the ground, God knows! He always know how I feel.”  Job 39:1 Matthew 10:29 Hebrews 4: 15-16

“God understands when I feel sad, glad, mad, or bad!  He cares when I feel confident or embarrassed, scared or excited!”    2 Corinthians 1:3-4   Isaiah 53:4  1 Chronicles 28:9

“God knows the names of everyone in the whole wide world! And I want everyone everywhere to know God! So day and night, I’ll make music and sing and talk about His name!”   Psalms 92:1-2  147:5

“O Lord . . . I will give glory to your name forever, for you love me so much!”  

Psalm 86:5, 12

I thanked God for Debby Anderson and her simple children’s book that brought His beautiful words before me and anointed my hurt.  So all of the questions that can’t be answered we have to put to rest in Him.  He knew before the foundations of the world about this child in our womb.  Whether the problems with our child occurred because of  genetics or environmental issues, it was no surprise to Him. I’m thankful for a good God who is sufficient in all of my surprises because of His sovereignty.

 We won’t know much until the baby is born but we do know this fourth baby won’t be the same as my “big lip” babies but when the Great Physician knits a baby together their are no mistakes.  And so we will cry,  laugh, take care of our three kids, cook meals, do laundry, pastor a church, move into a house, do homework, teach ballet, and while we wait and pray continually for full health in all other areas of the babies life, “we will chose to make music and sing and talk about His name and give Him glory because He loves us so much!”   

        

Future Phone Talk

I came across a journal from 2001 today, while cleaning my garage and attic.  I wrote this poem in my journal on February 22, 2001 after talking to Landon for many hours on the phone for the first time. I had never shared this with him until today and we both laughed a little as I read this dramatic take on my instantaneous  love for him.

Father, could it be

I’ve been choosing all on my own

While you’ve been preparing him 

to be the one alone

He loves you so much 

and I’m just now learning

If to me you give this man

I would never be able to love him as you can

I don’t deserve him 

but I want to desire him - 

A man running fast and strong after your heart

nothing to keep him apart

I didn’t get enough in those short hours

Will you choose to bring us together in Your power?

I am nothing Lord, I have nothing, I can offer nothing

But strengthen my heart, prepare me to obey

Did I just talk to the man I’m going to marry someday?

As the years in our marriage go by and the responsibilities of daily life take over, it’s so easy to forget how God in His grace, goodness, and perfect timing brought us together. I love to look back and see how His sovereign plan in our lives unfolded.  I am always amazed at God being both a Sovereign God and intimate God .  In Revelation 1:8 God says, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, who is, who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Then we read in Matthew 10:27-31 that God knows every sparrow that falls and the number of hairs on our head.  I am so thankful to know that if he loves me enough to know the very number of hairs on my head that he also loved me enough to ordain that precious first conversations with my future husband.  He is a loving God.  This silly poem was such a great reminder of how my crazy husband is one of God’s greatest gifts in my life and I’m praying that our love will grow and be protected in Him and that even during busy routines we will take the time to romance each other. 

Hold My Hand

“The Lord is my shepherd , I shall not be in want. 

  He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

he leads me beside quiet waters, 

  he restores my soul. 

He guides me in paths of righteousness

  for his names sake. 

Even though I walk 

  through the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil,

  for you are with me;

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

   in the presence of my enemies, 

You anoint my head with oil;

  my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and love will follow me 

  all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”   Psalm 23

Today, my grandmother is in the final stages of leaving this world.  Her physical body is fading.  She will shortly face death in her worldly body, conquer death through Christ, and begin her true life with Him.  The end of Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “ . . . for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.”  If you have ever traveled this journey with someone, it is easy to ponder our “destiny” and to realize that our life with Him or without Him is only a heartbeat away.  In the process of losing my grandfather last March and then shortly after that finding out that  my grandmother had Goodpastures Syndrome (a one in a million autoimmune disorder that attacks the lung and kidneys), I have been reminded of the brevity of life and God’s sovereignty over life, and that life and death is out of our control.  I was reminded and challenged by Psalm 139:15,16, “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  I am overwhelmed that each day of life has been ordained by God.  Do I treat each day as if it is a day that has been ordained? Can I say this “ordained” day was not wasted?  I have to admit that when Arabella wakes me at 5:30 wanting breakfast, and Addy and Adoniram fuss with each other all day, and I have loads of laundry to finish, meals to prepare, and dishes to clean, I rarely remember this is a precious day ordained of God.  Sometimes in the routine I forget to give my day back to Him.  I am so grateful for a loving grandmother who invested her ordained days in an impatient and hyper little grandchild.  She taught me about God, about His creation, about making homemade cookies, and about loving and serving family.      

I have had the blessing of many precious days with two great grandparents and now I am having the privilege, along with family and friends,  of comforting my grandmother during this transition into Heaven.  I’ve been telling Adoniram that Granmommy needs to be loved on, so each morning he will say, “Wanna go see ganmommy”, so we walk in her room give her kisses on the forehead and pat her on her hand.  A few days ago, I told Adoniram to give her a high - five and she held her hand up for him.  Even though she is too weak to speak to us; she follows us with her eyes and when we hold her hand she pats and rubs on our hand as if to comfort us as well.  My prayer is that she will know His peace and our love as we hold her hand until God takes her hand.  I am so thankful for the hope that Psalm 23 gives us.  It reminds us that the Good Shepherd will lead, restore, guide, comfort, prepare, and anoint my grandmother during this time.  He truly is a good God and He will soon lovingly welcome her home and give her a new body.   And don’t you know my grandfather will be ecstatic to see her!!!! Praise be to the Father for the gift and hope of eternity!!!              

Daddy Love

Each day at our house is like Ground Hog’s Day.  My husband gets Arabella off to school. My two year old starts yelling from his room, “Mommy, wheres ares you?”, while my three year old sleeps soundly until later in the morning.  When everyone is awake our morning  routine is eat, potty, play with each other, fuss with each other.  Then in the afternoon, our routine continues eat, potty, play with each other, fuss with each other.  After nap, yet again, eat, potty, play, fuss.  Besides the occasional injury and sickness, we have pretty predictable daily activites and conversations.  Just recently, I have noticed  one topic of conversation that comes about often, that is, talking about Daddy.  In the morning my son asks, “Where’s Daddy”.  At the doctor’s office my three year old ask, “Do Daddy come heres?”.  Other daddy talk is usually, “Daddy loves cars”, “Does Daddy eat carrots”,  “I hear Daddy’s truck”, “Daddy teaches”,  “Is Daddy at work”, “Daddy likes the Tigers”.   All day long my children think about and talk about their Daddy.  This has caused me to think about what great responsibility a dad has to his children.  A Dad’s love, attention, affection, and discipline is vital in a child’s life.  Don’t misunderstand me, a mom’s influence, example, and love is also extremely important.  But think about in your own life, how your dad’s actions still have great impact on your life.

              In Josh McDowell’s book, “The Father Connection”, he writes about forty - two, individual counseling appointments with junior and senior high kids.  He says, “Their number one question was, “Josh, what can I do about my dad?” When I asked what they meant, they made statements like, “He never has time for me,” “He never takes me anywhere,” “He never talks to me,”and “He never does anything with me.”  Josh adds that out of forty-two students, only one student said they felt like they could actually talk to their dad.  Josh goes on to say, “this kind of love famine can affect both parents and children, creating a vicious self-perpetuating cycle in which parents who are starved for love raise children who are even hungrier for love. And the results can be devastating.”  In the book, Norm Wakefield says, “You can’t hug your kids enough, it doesn’t matter how old or how big they are; no one outgrows the need for affection. There is awesome power in a simple thing like a hug, a wink, and a whispered or pantomimed, “I love you!”.

Think about how we treasure the gifts we got for Christmas or maybe covet the gifts we didn’t get.  What a bigger deal it is to treasure our children because they are a gift from God.  Ephesians 6 starts out with the command for children to honor and obey their parents, and then continues with, “And you, FATHERS, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”  I love the phrase, “bring them up in”, not just “talk to them about” but instead raise them in the truth by living the truth in front of them.  For dad’s this is loving unconditionally like Christ, being slow to anger, showing grace and forgiveness, being consistent in discipline when needed, unselfishly giving of time and affection (Matthew 19:14).  

Psalms 127 says, “The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.  I love to think about Warrior Dad’s loving their little arrows and sending them into the world to penetrate it with the gospel of Christ. So all of the “Daddy” talk in my home has reminded me to thank the Lord for my “Warrior” and little “Arrows” and to be constant in my prayer that through Christ they will grow together in a healthy, loving, fruitful relationship for His glory.