Future Phone Talk

I came across a journal from 2001 today, while cleaning my garage and attic.  I wrote this poem in my journal on February 22, 2001 after talking to Landon for many hours on the phone for the first time. I had never shared this with him until today and we both laughed a little as I read this dramatic take on my instantaneous  love for him.

Father, could it be

I’ve been choosing all on my own

While you’ve been preparing him 

to be the one alone

He loves you so much 

and I’m just now learning

If to me you give this man

I would never be able to love him as you can

I don’t deserve him 

but I want to desire him - 

A man running fast and strong after your heart

nothing to keep him apart

I didn’t get enough in those short hours

Will you choose to bring us together in Your power?

I am nothing Lord, I have nothing, I can offer nothing

But strengthen my heart, prepare me to obey

Did I just talk to the man I’m going to marry someday?

As the years in our marriage go by and the responsibilities of daily life take over, it’s so easy to forget how God in His grace, goodness, and perfect timing brought us together. I love to look back and see how His sovereign plan in our lives unfolded.  I am always amazed at God being both a Sovereign God and intimate God .  In Revelation 1:8 God says, “I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End, who is, who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” Then we read in Matthew 10:27-31 that God knows every sparrow that falls and the number of hairs on our head.  I am so thankful to know that if he loves me enough to know the very number of hairs on my head that he also loved me enough to ordain that precious first conversations with my future husband.  He is a loving God.  This silly poem was such a great reminder of how my crazy husband is one of God’s greatest gifts in my life and I’m praying that our love will grow and be protected in Him and that even during busy routines we will take the time to romance each other. 

Hold My Hand

“The Lord is my shepherd , I shall not be in want. 

  He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

he leads me beside quiet waters, 

  he restores my soul. 

He guides me in paths of righteousness

  for his names sake. 

Even though I walk 

  through the valley of the shadow of death, 

I will fear no evil,

  for you are with me;

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

   in the presence of my enemies, 

You anoint my head with oil;

  my cup overflows. 

Surely goodness and love will follow me 

  all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”   Psalm 23

Today, my grandmother is in the final stages of leaving this world.  Her physical body is fading.  She will shortly face death in her worldly body, conquer death through Christ, and begin her true life with Him.  The end of Ecclesiastes 7:2 says, “ . . . for death is the destiny of every man; the living should take this to heart.”  If you have ever traveled this journey with someone, it is easy to ponder our “destiny” and to realize that our life with Him or without Him is only a heartbeat away.  In the process of losing my grandfather last March and then shortly after that finding out that  my grandmother had Goodpastures Syndrome (a one in a million autoimmune disorder that attacks the lung and kidneys), I have been reminded of the brevity of life and God’s sovereignty over life, and that life and death is out of our control.  I was reminded and challenged by Psalm 139:15,16, “My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.  When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body.  All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”  I am overwhelmed that each day of life has been ordained by God.  Do I treat each day as if it is a day that has been ordained? Can I say this “ordained” day was not wasted?  I have to admit that when Arabella wakes me at 5:30 wanting breakfast, and Addy and Adoniram fuss with each other all day, and I have loads of laundry to finish, meals to prepare, and dishes to clean, I rarely remember this is a precious day ordained of God.  Sometimes in the routine I forget to give my day back to Him.  I am so grateful for a loving grandmother who invested her ordained days in an impatient and hyper little grandchild.  She taught me about God, about His creation, about making homemade cookies, and about loving and serving family.      

I have had the blessing of many precious days with two great grandparents and now I am having the privilege, along with family and friends,  of comforting my grandmother during this transition into Heaven.  I’ve been telling Adoniram that Granmommy needs to be loved on, so each morning he will say, “Wanna go see ganmommy”, so we walk in her room give her kisses on the forehead and pat her on her hand.  A few days ago, I told Adoniram to give her a high - five and she held her hand up for him.  Even though she is too weak to speak to us; she follows us with her eyes and when we hold her hand she pats and rubs on our hand as if to comfort us as well.  My prayer is that she will know His peace and our love as we hold her hand until God takes her hand.  I am so thankful for the hope that Psalm 23 gives us.  It reminds us that the Good Shepherd will lead, restore, guide, comfort, prepare, and anoint my grandmother during this time.  He truly is a good God and He will soon lovingly welcome her home and give her a new body.   And don’t you know my grandfather will be ecstatic to see her!!!! Praise be to the Father for the gift and hope of eternity!!!              

Daddy Love

Each day at our house is like Ground Hog’s Day.  My husband gets Arabella off to school. My two year old starts yelling from his room, “Mommy, wheres ares you?”, while my three year old sleeps soundly until later in the morning.  When everyone is awake our morning  routine is eat, potty, play with each other, fuss with each other.  Then in the afternoon, our routine continues eat, potty, play with each other, fuss with each other.  After nap, yet again, eat, potty, play, fuss.  Besides the occasional injury and sickness, we have pretty predictable daily activites and conversations.  Just recently, I have noticed  one topic of conversation that comes about often, that is, talking about Daddy.  In the morning my son asks, “Where’s Daddy”.  At the doctor’s office my three year old ask, “Do Daddy come heres?”.  Other daddy talk is usually, “Daddy loves cars”, “Does Daddy eat carrots”,  “I hear Daddy’s truck”, “Daddy teaches”,  “Is Daddy at work”, “Daddy likes the Tigers”.   All day long my children think about and talk about their Daddy.  This has caused me to think about what great responsibility a dad has to his children.  A Dad’s love, attention, affection, and discipline is vital in a child’s life.  Don’t misunderstand me, a mom’s influence, example, and love is also extremely important.  But think about in your own life, how your dad’s actions still have great impact on your life.

              In Josh McDowell’s book, “The Father Connection”, he writes about forty - two, individual counseling appointments with junior and senior high kids.  He says, “Their number one question was, “Josh, what can I do about my dad?” When I asked what they meant, they made statements like, “He never has time for me,” “He never takes me anywhere,” “He never talks to me,”and “He never does anything with me.”  Josh adds that out of forty-two students, only one student said they felt like they could actually talk to their dad.  Josh goes on to say, “this kind of love famine can affect both parents and children, creating a vicious self-perpetuating cycle in which parents who are starved for love raise children who are even hungrier for love. And the results can be devastating.”  In the book, Norm Wakefield says, “You can’t hug your kids enough, it doesn’t matter how old or how big they are; no one outgrows the need for affection. There is awesome power in a simple thing like a hug, a wink, and a whispered or pantomimed, “I love you!”.

Think about how we treasure the gifts we got for Christmas or maybe covet the gifts we didn’t get.  What a bigger deal it is to treasure our children because they are a gift from God.  Ephesians 6 starts out with the command for children to honor and obey their parents, and then continues with, “And you, FATHERS, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”  I love the phrase, “bring them up in”, not just “talk to them about” but instead raise them in the truth by living the truth in front of them.  For dad’s this is loving unconditionally like Christ, being slow to anger, showing grace and forgiveness, being consistent in discipline when needed, unselfishly giving of time and affection (Matthew 19:14).  

Psalms 127 says, “The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.  I love to think about Warrior Dad’s loving their little arrows and sending them into the world to penetrate it with the gospel of Christ. So all of the “Daddy” talk in my home has reminded me to thank the Lord for my “Warrior” and little “Arrows” and to be constant in my prayer that through Christ they will grow together in a healthy, loving, fruitful relationship for His glory. 

A Screamer Day

Day 1

Yes, its true, today I walked away from my very whiny three year old, closed my bedroom door, closed my bathroom door, closed my closet door and screamed to the top of my lungs for about five minutes.  Yes, it’s true, today I felt crazy. My daughter, Adalaide, had a procedure done about a week ago and she has needed  around the clock care.  She can’t help that she has needed care, but trying to care for her and also a restless six year old, and an “all boy” two year old, and cook, and clean, and tackle our infinite laundry load, along with having had no sleep has sent me over the top and made me feel like a totally inadequate mom.  

Then something great happens.  As I am putting my son to bed he begins to sing Jesus Loves Me along with me.  I can see his huge smile in the glow of the nightlight and I think about how blessed I am.  I have been “gifted from God”.  And what about God, what has he been up to today?  I haven’t even spoken to Him to know of his sovereignty  , His goodness, His gentleness, His strength over my life and home.  Instead of the whiny kid, the dirty dishes, the poopy diapers, the piles of dirty laundry being my agitation, maybe just maybe, my issue is a filthy display of my sinner self instead of the glorious saint Christ created in me through His death.  Later, that night, while cleaning my bedroom, I ran across a pamphlet called “Rules for Daily Life”.  As I made my way to the trash with it, I took a glance at what it said:

BEGIN THE DAY WITH GOD

Kneel down to Him in prayer; 

Lift up thy heart to HIs abode. 

And seek His love to share.

OPEN THE BOOK OF GOD

And read a portion there;

That it may hallow all thy thoughts, 

And sweetn all thy care.

GO THROUGH THE DAY WITH GOD

Whate’er thy work may be;

Where’er thou art-at home, abroad, 

He still is near to thee.

CONVERSE IN MIND WITH GOD

Thy spirit heavenward raise:

Acknowledge every good bestowed, 

And offer grateful praise.

CONCLUDE THE DAY WITH GOD 

Thy sins to Him confess;

Trust in the Lord’s atoning blood,

And lead His righteousness.

LIE DOWN AT NIGHT WITH GOD

Who gives His servants sleep; 

And when thou tread’st the vale of death, 

He will thee guard and sleep

The Tract League

Grand Rapids MI 49534-1329

www.tractleague.com

So this “mystery” pamphlet, now stored in my Bible, was a great reminder of what a difference my day could have been if it had been spent with Him. Is this concept of full focus on God a new thought for a Regenerate one, certainly not, then how did I neglect dependance on my Lord today?  

Psalm 127: 1,2

“Unless the Lord builds a house, its builders labor over it in vain; unless the Lord watches over a city, the watchman stays alert in vain.  In vain you get up early and stay up late, eating food earned by hard work; certainly He gives sleep to the one He loves.”

Lord, forgive me for my vain work today.  As “The One who holds the seven stars in HIs right hand and who walks among the seven golden lampstands”, You do your work, where, when, and how you want to do it and it is never in vain.  Only your work in this home will be fruitful so discipline me to be about your “house building” and not my own. Teach me to love this family with your pure, unconditional, and patient love. Thank you for your new mercies each morning.