January 10, 2012
Because our oldest daughter, Arabella, was born with a small VSD (hole in her heart), during each pregnancy we go to a specialist and have very extensive ultrasounds done on our babies while in the womb. So our trip to Jackson, Tennessee yesterday was just a normal day for us. I was really torn about making the long trip and came very close to canceling our ultrasound appointment since our two children born after Arabella have not had any problems and Arabella has never had any problems and will never have to have surgery.
Our ultrasound of the heart looked great and Landon and I had a lot of fun trying not to see the gender of the baby since we’ve planned on that being a surprise. However, the ultrasound tech did share with us some concern she had with seeing a possible cleft lip, in which, my response was, “all of my children have huge lips.” I’m not sure how a huge lip would cast a shadow of not having part of a lip but in my mind that was the problem not really a cleft lip. Didn’t this woman know that we have beautiful “big lip” children? The wait for the doctor seemed to be an eternity and as we all viewed the baby again, the cleft lip was a definite.
The doctor patiently sat with us and explained all the statistics and problems that could occur with the cleft lip. The cleft lip could possibly be a result of a much larger problem - syndromes that we can’t yet see, the lip could cause the baby not to swallow well causing fluid to build up around the baby in the womb, the cleft lip could also be a cleft palate which could cause difficulties with initially feeding the baby - also more physical issues and more surgeries. “What!?!?” The only word going through my head at the time of this conversation. Does this doctor not realize that my big lip beautiful babies do not have these problems? He couldn't really be talking about our child?
It was an extremely sobering feeling as we walked away from that visit yesterday. We immediately began to sift through all the questions. What did we do wrong? What causes this that could have been prevented? What lies ahead over the next few months? Is this only a cosmetic problem that can be fixed or are there more complications with the baby? How do we prepare for the baby? How will we tell our children? How will we take care of three children while caring for the different needs that might come up with this baby? How will we schedule surgeries around Landon’s summer speaking commitments planned a year ago?
God. The only answer to every question we have and all of the unknowns. God. Isn’t it a beautiful thing to know Him? We don’t have anything to figure out? He has already done that for us. Just two nights ago, Adoniram handed me this great book to read called “God Knows My Name” by Debby Anderson. Here are just few pages of this wonderful children’s book:
“God made everything and God knows everything! God know me. He even knows my favorite color. What’s your favorite color? Surprise! God already knew it! “ Psalm 139:1
“Before God made the world, He knew about me. Before I was born, God knew what would happen every day of my life . . . “ Ephesians 1:4 Psalm 139:15-16
“My surprise birthday party didn’t even surprise God! Nothing surprises God! God sees me when I sit down or when I stand up” Psalm 139:2-3
“When a deer has her baby, God knows! When a sparrow falls to the ground, or when I fall to the ground, God knows! He always know how I feel.” Job 39:1 Matthew 10:29 Hebrews 4: 15-16
“God understands when I feel sad, glad, mad, or bad! He cares when I feel confident or embarrassed, scared or excited!” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Isaiah 53:4 1 Chronicles 28:9
“God knows the names of everyone in the whole wide world! And I want everyone everywhere to know God! So day and night, I’ll make music and sing and talk about His name!” Psalms 92:1-2 147:5
“O Lord . . . I will give glory to your name forever, for you love me so much!”
Psalm 86:5, 12
I thanked God for Debby Anderson and her simple children’s book that brought His beautiful words before me and anointed my hurt. So all of the questions that can’t be answered we have to put to rest in Him. He knew before the foundations of the world about this child in our womb. Whether the problems with our child occurred because of genetics or environmental issues, it was no surprise to Him. I’m thankful for a good God who is sufficient in all of my surprises because of His sovereignty.
We won’t know much until the baby is born but we do know this fourth baby won’t be the same as my “big lip” babies but when the Great Physician knits a baby together their are no mistakes. And so we will cry, laugh, take care of our three kids, cook meals, do laundry, pastor a church, move into a house, do homework, teach ballet, and while we wait and pray continually for full health in all other areas of the babies life, “we will chose to make music and sing and talk about His name and give Him glory because He loves us so much!”
